Holy Cow, as I sit here I am literally sick to my stomach. This is not something I want to do but if I don't do it God is going to keep screaming in my ear! So, Ok God I am listening!
I have felt for a week that I was supposed to write a post this morning but, as I sat down at the computer I literally felt like I had nothing to write about. I began reading and came across a new post by my sweet friend, Chelsea, who has an amazing story of her own to share. As I read it I began to shake, I have been struggling with listening to God and her post was that last kick in the butt I needed to do it.
I have prayed alot about a baby, and truth be told God has answered me and I ignored it because it wasn't what I wanted to hear. He has put things on my heart that I have ignored because it wasn't what I wanted to do because I was scared. So I am going to do what I have ignored doing for so long, even though it is hard. So please bear with me as He is directing this post not me!
Some of you know the first part of this post but I must recap for those who have not heard it.
I still to this day, have no idea how I went all those months without an ounce of sadness for the child I so longed for. Maybe it was because she needed me so much or maybe it was God protecting my heart. Back to the story....
I met her and Shawn at the hospital as the sun was coming up. For the next 10 hours or so, I stood by her side, holding her hand, encouraging her. After many hours with no progress, it was decided a C-section was the best option (something that the two of us laugh about now! but that is another post) As I walked down the hall I was so emotionally charged, happy, nervous, scared...I could go on but I won't. After 45 minutes or so baby Athen was in our world and I cried because he was so beautiful. I stayed with them until almost 9 that evening before I went home. I had never been so tired and emotionally drained in my whole life. Heath took me to eat at Huddle House and all I could do was lay my head on the table (not something I recommend, by the way).
I finally crawled into bed around 12 that night before going to sleep I prayed a prayer of thanks, thanks for bringing him into this world safe, thanks for allowing me to be a part of this miracle, thanks for an amazing friend. I also had my own prayer, "God, when will it be my turn". After that it didn't take long before I drifted off to sleep. Hours later I awoke, feeling very clear in my head, and feeling very strongly towards the number two. I thought it was strange and that I must be dream, why would I care about the number 2. I rolled over to look at the clock...it was 2:20. Again, hmmm that's strange. About that time I realized the date, February 22 (2-22-08). I ignored this strange coincidence a rolled over and went back to sleep.
The next morning I got up, while I was getting ready to go back to the hospital I was trying to make sense of all this two business. It was such a cold day out and it was pouring outside. I went to the kitchen to get breakfast I looked out the back window. Outside, in the pouring rain were 2 Huge blackbirds (big like buzzard big) they were sitting side by side, looking back at me. I closed the curtains. Then I had to take a second look, This time when I looked out they flapped their wings open wide, but never moved. The two of them, there in the rain. So I am thinking ok...two...hmmm.
I finally get to the hospital and its packed I drive all the way to the top floor of the parking garage and come back down before I could find a spot. I went in to visit with Melissa and Athen, I spent some time with them and helped her get ready for her array of visitors for the day. During that time the minister from their church came by to see Athen and offer a prayer of thanksgiving and blessings. After he left I stayed awhile longer helping Melissa after and hour or so had passed I went to leave. As I was walking down the bridge to the parking garage someone behind me spoke to me, when I turned around it was the minister. We chatted casually as we walked to the garage, when we got to the end of the bridge he said "Are you parked on this level?" My reply, "No, I am down one, on level 2" As I said those words I almost fell over! Really God! He was parked there also, so we walked down together.
As, I drove home that day, I asked God "OK, 2, so what am I supposed to do with this" His response, tell people! I am thinking I am NOT going to tell people this, they will think I am insane. The feeling became stronger, tell people to pray about the number two. I am thinking I have no idea what I would even say or how to say it. As the day passed I felt more and more like I had to tell people. So I decided to tell Heath (because he will still love me even if I AM crazy!) I tell him the whole story. He says" So, what does it mean?" I don't know I tell him just that we need to pray about the number 2. By then I am thinking, "Ok God, There I told someone, are you happy now?" His reply on my heart, "No! Tell more" Are you kidding me! I have to tell more people this, they are going to think I am nuts.
Later that evening I call my mom, it was hard to tell Heath about this but it was even harder to tell her....How do you tell someone to pray about a number, it's just strange. So I tell her anyways. She says what should we pray for, two months, two years, two kids (please no twins God!) finally she says we should pray for clarity. Leave it to mom to have the right answer! We hang up and I think, there 2 told, happy now!!! Nope, he puts on my heart again...tell more people. So that evening I pray for my 2 and for clarity.
The next day I travel to see Melissa who is now at home. When I get there I tell her about my two and I also say, I really feel like God is telling me I need to write about it. I'm not a writer, I have no idea what to even write about, but I feel like I am supposed to write about it. She says she will pray for my 2 also and that maybe I am supposed to write to share my story with others.(side note: I have felt since then that I am supposed to write about this but up until today I have not known where to write it!) The more people I tell, the easier it is getting. So I call and tell my mother-in-law on my way home, now she is praying for the number 2.
When I go back to work Saturday I tell some of the ladies at work, they too are now praying for the number 2. The funny part is everyone I tell is so open to this concept, no one thinks I am nuts (or at least they are not telling me to my face) On Sunday at work, one of the ladies I told said she had been at church that morning and prayed for my 2. As she was leaving church she said she passed by their bookstore and felt like God was telling her to go in and by me a book, so she did. She brought it to me it was gift wrapped in a little bag, when I opened it, it was a book on the Miracle of Friendship, cute but didn't make sense. As I was putting back in the bag, I noticed some print on the front of the bag. "Deb" I said "Is this the name of your bookstore on the bag?" Not looking she replied "Yeah, I think so, why?" I turned and held up the bag for her to see...Chapter 2 Bookstore...we just looked at each other and started laughing.
Since that time there have been many two's in my life always when I need them. I have prayed nearly everyday for my 2 not really knowing what it meant. Over the past few months I have even become angry with God. Why would he tell me to do this, why would he put this on my heart. Did it meant nothing, was it a joke, but still I feel strongly about it and still pray for it. I have shared this story with many of you and I am blessed that I have had so many of you willing to pray for something you don't even understand. So now I get to the second part of my story...