Friday, May 6, 2011

Initiated in Motherhood

Before I was actually a mommy I knew that there would be days when gross things would happen. I expected to be tinkled on. I figured I would eventually have to clean poop off my shirt. I assumed I would have a little puke in my hair. Over the past month I have gracefully accepted all this minor hazing from my little boy but, last night I was officially initiated into motherhood.


Allow me to set the scene and walk you through my thought process.

Time: 6:00 AM

Scene: I was part way through an early morning feeding and Landon had fallen back asleep while I was trying to burp him. (Burping has been a bit challenging for us and sometimes we really have to work at it.) I went to change his diaper to wake him and hoped that the moving around would help him get his burp out. After changing the diaper I put him back on my shoulder and head back to the other room. Here is how the next minute or so played out.

I round the corner out of his room and he lets out a massive belch...

"Good Job buddy!"...

Odd gurgle noise follows...

I'm thinking What the heck is that...

Then a warm gush on my neck and shoulder...

Ugh! Gross! He just threw up on me!

Thank goodness it's not much.

Wait a minute, that's more than I think it is...

It starts to run down my spine...

I hurry to the other room to get a towel, only to realize it is now at the small of my back...

Great how am I going to get puke off my back!

I start to set him down so I can clean myself off and that is when the horror sets in!

OH NO!!! This can't be!

I can't set him down fast enough.

Just then it makes its way past the waist of my pajama pants.....

and down.....,

into......

my butt crack!!!

OMG!!! I have baby puke in my butt crack!!! How can baby puke travel that far!!!

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...

I immediately start trying to clean myself off.

Seriously! How is this possible!

It takes awhile to get it all off of me, while Landon is peacefully curled up in his bed.

This feeding is officially over!

For the record it is not easy to clean baby juice from between your shoulder blades by yourself.

I expected alot yuck from motherhood but NEVER expected there to be puke in MY butt crack.

I am officially a mommy!

1 comments:

Laura said...

Oh my goodness! That's hilarious...and gross!! Sounds like you handled it pretty well. :)